Friday, May 11, 2012

Headline: How Cheating Can Save your Marriage

The front page of The Huffington Post featured an article with the headline "How Cheating Can Save your Marriage." It's on a research study on female infidelity that found the following conclusion:

Of the wives with whom I've spoken, close to half believe that the 'other man' can actually help them to stay in an unhappy or suboptimal marriage because they find their happiness with the lover. This group of wives who remain with their husbands feels more in touch with their desires in this extra curricular relationship than in their marriages and they no longer feel that life is passing them by.

There are wives who tell me that the affair is the one part of their lives that they can control and in this way they are empowered. And then there are wives who report that they feel more balanced in their marriage because of the affair. This faction of women, approximately a third of my interviewee pool, describe themselves as a good wife, a good mother, a successful career woman and a good lover. These relationships with the 'other man' satisfy some wives for years and become a way of life. 

More than half the wives I've interviewed describe the lover as a vehicle through which to understand what is missing in the marriage -- and wives in this situation may give up the affair with a renewed commitment to the marriage. Others use the lover as a bridge to leave the marriage, although not necessarily for this person.

Really? Believing infidelity to save marriage is preposterous. Anyone who embraces this idea and practices it is clearly rationalizing selfishness and minimizes altruism in their marriage. This view leaves a messy trail of broken families and unhappy individuals and shouldn't be considered OK.

What's next... sexual promiscuity can save you from STDs?

(Check out this blog and ministry on love and relationship from the Philippines,


  1. I guess it just boils down to who you want to make the authority in your life. You can choose Huffington Post writers and line up with their ideas or the Bible principles, written by Someone who Loves us and died for all(and yet lives). That's a tough act to follow for any author.

    1. Good point. Funny that the same news organization advocates marriage equality for all. Why fight something you don't clearly respect and believe?

    2. Sadly, I'm sure it makes sense to Huffy-puffy (good place to make reference to the house coming down). We know the divided house will not stand.

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